A dom/dominant is the person creating a certain experience a partner within the setting of BDSM, kink, etc. A dom is not someone who forces or makes someone to do something. A dom creates a safe space where someone, called the sub/submissive, can be at their most vulnerable.
Being a good dom requires intuition, reading nonverbal cues and empathy—lots of empathy. Doms may want to try out the sub role in order to relate better to their partner.
When domming for the first time, try not to act like your idea of a dom. You should focus on what kind of dom your sub needs. Even if you don’t know everything, doms should maintain their confidence and composure.
Recognizing where you can improve is an important part of acting the part of a dom. As such, here are a few tips:
You Don’t Have to Yell
Effective doms should not resort to anger to control a situation. Your sub may not respond to this type of behavior at all. Whereas, a calm and collected dom will demand more respect than an unpredictable one.
Embodying an “angry” approach should be a last resort only. You should first establish consistency and trust with your submissive.
Your dom/sub relationship doesn’t have to be serious and rigid. It can be fun and frisky.
Mistakes Will Happen
Doms should establish safe words, boundaries, and check-ins to avoid mistakes. However, it’s thoughtless to act like they will never happen.
Sometimes people do not discover something was a boundary until after the session. They may dissociate but appear lucid during the act.
Partners should communicate after the fact to avoid mistakes in the future. Learning from these mistakes is an important experience for both sides of the relationship.
Get To Know Your Sub First
Having control over your sub is earned not immediate. Doms should exercise patience and consistency to build a trusting relationship.
You may need to change your approach if it doesn’t work for your sub. As you get to know your sub’s limits and boundaries, you’re building that trusting relationship.
Use Your Punishment/Reward System With Purpose
Don’t give out punishments or rewards without a reason. You should use them in response to your sub’s behavior or you risk confusing them.
Reinforce good behavior and punish the bad. However, let your sub know why you’re doing these things. Keeping them guessing could lead to misunderstandings
In the dom/sub scene, try out what works for both of you and your relationship. Head to APG.net to scope out some dom/sub couples ready to help you become the sexiest dom alive.
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